Last week everything went purple. The light spots you see around things after looking at a bright light? Purple. Purple haloes around everything else.
The week before it was green. Several times in the past few weeks it’s been yellow.
Wherever I look is yellow and lights increase in size. They swell as I watch. The daylight is yellow and it makes everything else yellow. The artificial lights are yellow. Everything is yellow and shines so bright I have to close my eyes. Haloes.
This morning I was hit with a headache with physical force. It punched into my head on one side, interrupting the conversation I was having. Twice. Then it refused to disappear – it was a pure, strong pain that only went once I took a pill that at that point I’d been 36 hours not taking. I think it makes such a difference.
On the drive home down the motorway I noticed three pointy small trees shaped like rabbits ears. The back of the junction signs have ladders on them. The pattern of the crash barriers along the edges of the motorway make waffles. I saw 3 black cats. Two cars with blue headlamps. I was overtaken by a white car and then undertaken by an orange version of the same car.
I kept forgetting to breathe. I wasn’t there, really. My hands were on the steering wheel so hard my knuckles were white. I didn’t go above 73 miles an hour. I couldn’t breathe.
That feeling stayed with me. I wasn’t in my body properly. I was at the back of my head, watching everything else, struggling to focus on the road, the driving, the breathing.
Tonight I looked at Mr Fantastic until he fell asleep and then I watched him sleep until I felt sleepy. It looked like his face was shaking and I realised it was my me shaking free of my body. I held on to him and made to move; he woke up and he was right where I needed him, and there I was. Home again.