It feels like an age since I was here and it’s only been a few days (not even that) really. I have the guilts and feel like maybe I’ve been neglecting you guys here. 

Tia the foster dog left on Monday. That was so hard. I miss her. My cats all came and slept in the house that night for the first time since she got here.

Superdad is showing his true colours again, what a surprise.

Hmm. My head is so full I don’t know where to start even. My heart wants to burst. I’d like to shout from the rooftops but acrophobia and social anxiety.. funny huh.  

When I got into bed this evening (after being gone through the evening) jack cuddled right into me, like he had had an horrendous evening and he missed me even in his sleep. Beat that for feeling like a great mama – even in his sleep he wants me to make him feel safe. Big grin all round for that one.

The others were fast asleep. I’ve spent more time out the house and away from them and it’s showing in the rest of the time. 

Mr Fantastic described anxiety for him as having a head  full of bees. For me it’s a chest full. That resonated with me, that someone understands so completely how you feel. 

It’s been 4 weeks today since we met and it’s changed my life. It’s a month on Friday. I can’t quite believe it but I will. Oh I will. 

My house is much cleaner. I’ve moved stuff around and pulled up a carpet and generally made more effort and it shows. I hope this carries on. 

My head is clearer and the fog feels like even if it’s not gone completely that right now it’s a little way off so I can breathe and think and attempt normal things. 

I can breathe. 

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