It wiped the floor with the Eden festival in Dumfries and that’s saying something since that was previously my best weekend ever. And I didn’t even get stoned!
Mr Fantastic and I did some adulting (boring), had a Tesco moment (not boring at all), went to Macdonalds, partook in ALL the cuddles and naps and bedtimes and snuggles and loves and baths together. There was even a poo chat and some farting and burping in there. And the laughing… so much laughing and fun.
It is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. How can you be so comfortable with someone after just under 3 weeks? That you can forget yourself so much that you’re dancing in the bath? Or farting in bed? Or you can actual show someone your mouthful while you’re eating? (Okay that was me) Or talking while someone’s having a poo! (Not me)
I’ve never felt like this before. It’s an entirely new concept. Complete devotion but with this whole other side of no pretence, no fakery. No makeup, no clothes, no cares. It’s like totally unconditional. It seems that way anyway – im pretty sure that he feels the same, I mean he doesn’t mind when my hairs crazy (all the time) or that I’m not wearing makeup or I’ve got panda eyes or spiky legs or whatever. (I am a general mess. I admit it)
My eyes leaked some when it was time to say goodbye and HE DIDNT MIND. I got so upset and I saw it reflected right back at me and then we giggled and it was so much better. It’s like being accepted. Literally accepted and accepting and loved and loving. He’s shifted the earth under my feet and I love him so so much for it.
I miss him like I miss the sun or the snow or the world when it’s dark but it’s like I know it’s still there so it’s less missing and more being apart but still whole. It’s strange but so weirdly right. It feels proper to miss him. I don’t feel sorry for myself because I miss him, I just miss him. Just because. I’d miss him if he was in another room in the same house. Or on the other side of the city. Out there somewhere but not here. Even here but not touching me. He’s my sun and moon and stars and space and air. He’s my universe. I love him.
I do worry about him though. There’s a frown that appears sometimes. (When he doesn’t think I can see it?) And every so often he goes a bit quiet and sometimes I can see things ticking away but I’ll wait. He’ll tell me if he needs to. I think he’s probably not as open as me with that stuff. I just blah it out and it vomits itself out of my mouth and I talk for an hour or more and can’t seem to shut up until the waffling stops… he’s not like that. But I’d like to know. Because I want to know everything. And if I could help him I’d be happy. If I could help him lift some of that frown I’d be happy. I’d love him and he’d be happy too. That’s all I want. For him to be happy and for us to be happy together and to be able to love each other for always. Regardless of the world. Regardless of everyone else. Just us, being imperfectly, unapologetically, irregardlessly, us. Forever. And with extra apple fritters.