Because Mr Fantastic and I are not on his Facebook at all. I’ve tagged him, posted pictures..  And Im wondering. Because I get that settings and stuff – mine are the same – I have to allow things before they appear. But why would there be no pictures of us? Or my posts I’ve made to him? It’s like we don’t exist. There, anyway. 

Having spoken to my more tech savvy friends about this I’m given to understand that there are settings where if you’re tagged in something it doesn’t automatically show up and so on. I didn’t know this. I had to have it explained to me. And then the only things that show up are ones you put on yourself – this is news to me but it’s clearly something that exists for people. I wonder if it’s like a professional thing and Facebook is something for work colleagues not to see or to only see certain things, but why? Is it professionalism or something? Why not just mention it? Or is it an ex life thing. Like it’s okay to profess his love for me in person but not online because people or complications or just private. Ex children or ex wife or ex family. Maybe current; I don’t know. 

Its starting to get to me because I don’t understand. I’ve not been told beyond “settings” and I don’t like being made to feel stupid and that’s kind of how I’m feeling – welcome to paranoia central, where everything is a big thing  – when I text him he doesn’t read it for hours upon hours – but when I’m with him his phone goes off and he looks at it as soon as he’s away from me. Why would you hide it? I think I just want everything to fall into place and I’m being crazy about all this stuff and really I should be going out of my way to probably hide the slightly unhinged parts of me but you know what? I’m not going to. I’m done doing that. Sorry for my crazy. 

I’m an open book, I don’t get why other people aren’t. Well I do… because people. I know people aren’t like me. I’m different. Or strange. Or just crazy. If my phone goes off when we’re together I usually ignore it but I always say who it is and why. It’s very very strange to me to not do that and I’m not entirely sure why. I mean, I do understand it. It’s just not something I do. It’s so hard being a pair of something. Like I get it but at the same time I don’t get it. Curse this crazy brain and its penchant for making things bigger, more complicated, more fanciful than they are. 

It’s silly o clock in the morning and I’m the only one up and I guess I’ve had time to dwell on it. Paranoia and cynicism apparently are the order of today so I think I’ll just go back to sleep and start again. I just don’t get people, I don’t think I ever will. 

They confuse me.