It’s been a day of two halves. Both halves have involved plenty of pounding heartbeats and stress. The first, woke up after a not the worst nights sleep I ever had (only 4 wake ups) however absolid hour between 6 and 7 which never happens. Pounding heart as I woke and it didn’t shift until I was on the motorway to Leeds. Before that I was stressing because I hadn’t heard from Mr Fantastic and I thought about going to see him quickly before I left for Leeds. I was cautioned against it by everyone because it might be a bit stalky… paranoia heightened I couldn’t help but agree. A kiss would’ve put me in such a good place though.

Second part of the day. Got lost on the way to Leeds, google maps saved us as always. Maya came with me as she still wasn’t feeling 100%. I wanted company anyway after my failure to launch myself at Mr Fantastic!

Made it ok, picked up Sammy and Lukey. Made it home, back to nursery. Abey had another bad day. Kicking and screaming this time. Too many tantrums. Been sent the office again. That’s every day this week… phew. It’s definitely a hard one. I feel like it’s my fault. I know it’s not but…. I’m pretty sure it’s mostly my fault. Everyone always says about my parenting – clearly it’s just rubbish. As evidenced by the educational psychologists report I received for Jack this afternoon. A lot of it was putting down Jacks “home dynamic and family circumstance” – I don’t like the sound of that. I think it makes it sound like Jacks issues are my fault and how can they be if they’re neurological? How can dyslexia (which they’re also suggesting) be something I can help?

I dunno. My hearts still pounding. The kids seem pretty happy though. I’m seeing Mr Fantastic tomorrow. Sammy and Lukey are here, yay! And I’m going to get drunk. I guess it’s not all bad.

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