I’m going to try and recapture some of the post I lost. Trouble is I’m not entirely sure what the point was. It was descriptive and feelsy and pretty darn good but thanks to me not backing it up and WordPress having a funny five minutes while posting it seems to have just disappeared. It’s not in drafts, binned, scheduled or published. It’s gone completely.

I met Mr Fantastic in a coffee shop. First impressions were of the single most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen. Utterly captivating. He talks and there’s no pretence, no fakery, no worry. It’s like coming home. Those eyes, the colour of the ocean on a sunny day. When it’s moody and the sun comes through the clouds.. green and blue and turquoise. A mouth that won’t quit. I can’t stop looking at it. A smile that comes and goes, so quick but always hovering. Lightning when he touched my hands. Cupid didn’t just shoot me once. Those arrows got me everywhere, a whole quivers worth. I am so in love. 2 hours, 1 large hot chocolate, a rude barista and I’m gone. That’s all it took.

It feels now, one week on, like it was meant to be. It literally feels like the universe wants me here. Like I don’t need to look for my way out anymore. Because I’m home. And when I’m in his arms I really am home. There’s nowhere I’d rather be. I look into his eyes and I’m lost. But I’ll happily be lost with him. 

I have been ill today and yesterday. I’m the worlds worst invalid because all I do is feel sorry for myself and want to sleep it off. I saw Mr F today though and he helped me feel much better all morning. That changed when I had to leave. Started feeling awful and steadily got worse all afternoon. Had to go to bed when I got home, Abey and I snuggled up and I slept. Once the others got home they all just piled into bed next to me and we all snuggled and napped for about 2 hours. It was lovely. I feel a bit better for it but now I miss Mr F and it’s not like a small thing it’s this big huge thing that is threatening to become the theme of my evening. 

Im not going to see him until Friday and I know it’s not very long and he said he’d be on messages but 1) I don’t want to wait because MINE and 2) he’s not on the messages. He’s not surgically attached to his phone like I am and so I probably won’t hear from him for a while. I don’t mind but that paranoid part of me that looks at Facebook photos and missed messages and missing him tells me to worry. Best not let all the crazy out at once though I guess, might scare him off and he’ll run for the hills. He already lives in the hills so it’s not that much of a stretch.
Time for me to put on my big girl pants. I don’t want to though, I want to be in his arms and just feel the freedom that comes with someone soothing your very soul. It’s new, this. And I like it. And I don’t want to give it up. Ever. 

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