You ever get those days where you wake up and you have to push yourself to even get out of bed? Today was one of those. Started off with a weight on my chest. Got much better, then I slept and it started again. I’ve been so busy but doing what? Nothing quantifiable it seems, a bit of shopping, some tidying and cleaning, walking the dog, looking after a sick child.. stuff that adds up and makes you feel like you’ve not stopped when in reality you’ve stopped and sat four or five times but with so much stuff on your mind that it feels like you NEVER stopped at all. Weird.

I had a productive day financially, all bills have been paid, now it’s just the rent to worry about for the month. The house is somewhat tidy, a half hour here or there will sort out what still needs doing and the daily stuff. My baby is sick and there’s nothing I can do about that except offer hugs and cool drinks. The foster doggy is happy, ish. We shan’t be keeping her because she doesn’t like the threenager – he’s noisy and she’s tiny – but there will be other dogs. It’s been a privelige having her to stay. The 8 year old stayed in school all day, and came home happy so that’s ALWAYS a good thing. 

And I’m… I don’t know. Not depressed. Not sick. Ladies week has turned up today so I guess that explains a few things. I don’t know. I’m feeling strange. Not up, not down, somewhere in between. But with a weight on my chest and a dread in my belly. I dont know why. I’m just… not happy. I’m quietly sad I guess.