Thinking stuff. Stuff. Like kid stuff and family stuff and me stuff and worrying stuff and weather stuff and money stuff. Cat stuff. All the stuff. 

I’m going to try and sort it here. Bear with my muddling.

Kids. I’m so close to the end of my rope. Jack is a nightmare. He doesn’t sleep. He’s an utter arsehole. If he doesn’t get his own way he shouts and screams and tries to bully and beat up everyone. He has taught the 3 year old to say “fuck off” and “bitch”. So now I get that shouted at me from all quarters. It’s just awful. It’s an unfortunate effect of whatever it is that’s up with him. It’s a direct defiance of any authority, and a reward/punishment system just doesn’t work. I get no help and I’m kind of just feeling about in the dark. For anyone that says “smack him” or “take his stuff” it DOESNT WORK. (That’s my way of suggesting that I don’t want to hear it) Not only is smacking children horrible it just doesn’t work. All of my kids would spit in your eye and laugh in your face if you smacked them and then they’d do it right back. One thing they will not be is cowed. A hormonal 11 year old makes for some huffy moments pretty much every day. The joys.

Family stuff. My sister and I are in close contact and my brother and I too. We’re all pretty close because of mum – It feels weird but in a good way.

Worrying stuff. Money, mostly. The big pile of paperwork I’ve been putting off for months. How to make this months rent. (Clue: I’m not going to be able to). Kids (of course). Cats and dogs. Stuff I can’t control. 

Weather stuff. It’s too hot! 

Other stuff. Fostered a dog. Her name is Tia. Mini version of my old mate Cabbage. She’s lovely and beautiful. I want to keep her however I’m not sure she will fit. She keeps going for the 3 year old. Every time he comes near me. It’s a shame because she calms something in my soul. I’m allowed to keep her if I want – but should I?

I’m so tired of everything just now. I need a break from life. 

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