Ok ok so I’ve picked myself up. Dusted myself off. I’m moving forwards again. I had a few days of being a hippo (as my friend puts it) and wallowing. Now I can carry on.

And it’s so busy! I’ve got two smalls with chicken pox. Abey is so covered, I’ve never seen so many spots. He was quite poorly as he came down with it though, before the spots came out he had a raging temperature and was lethargic all day and night Sunday. Poor kiddo. Now he’s covered. Hands, feet, soles of feet, ears, eyes, they’re everywhere. It’s so bad. Jack has them too but as luck would have it, he’s got about 4. Victoria had them last week and she was pretty bad but she uses sleep as a get well exercise so she’s the easiest child in the world to deal with when she’s poorly. Velcro, but easy. 

I went to the docs this morning. He upped my meds to the maximum dose of this one, says we can try some other combinations if they don’t work. Gave me more sleeping pills but I’m not allowed anymore after this, they’re for sporadic use only. Got to go back in 3 weeks for another review. He wants me to do some talking therapy. I need to self refer again. So I’ll add it to the list for the day I get some motivation back. 

The girls are still on school holidays. Their school is catholic and has rubbish holidays so they find themselves off when everyone else has gone back. Except for in the summer when it would actually make a difference. So I’ve the two boys off. The two girls off. And the oldest is off as he only has to go into college for exams at the moment. One child in school! Not bad at all. 

I splurged on some books for myself today. 6 for £30. It will mean I own every single Alex Verus novel written. There’s 8 so far and I have the first two. Can’t wait for them to arrive so I can read the rest. I’m also planning on buying myself The Folio Society cloth bound edition of Rebecca. It’s the most beautiful book I ever saw. 

Today I’m feeling more like myself. Still sad. Still as fateful and dramatic as ever. But maybe more.. hopeful? Is that the word? I’m not sure. I’m cautiously letting the light in. It’ll be enough for now.