Went to the doctors today. It’s taken me a week of steadily dwindling pills to force myself to make that call and then go. Self care, right? I can build up to it and that makes it a little bit more bearable. Means I can do it. 

So I go to the docs. And she’s going to change over my anti depressants onto a different one that I’ve not tried before. (We’re pretty much running out of single types by this point). Does me a script for my anxiety meds. Even sorted me some sleeping pills out. So I leave, feeling pretty good.

I go to the nearest Halfords, buy a headlamp and get it fitted. Feel quite like a proper grownup. I have to concentrate doubly hard driving with my son punching and kicking me while we’re on our way to nursery to get toddler boy. We get home, eat, sort out the other kids from school etc. The doctor was savvy enough to send my prescription straight to the chemist so I can get it today. Back to see the doc in 3 weeks, see how it’s going, chemist first today to pick up my pills. 

Standing in the chemist. THEY DONT HAVE THE MEDS IN. You get how heart-jarringly bad this is right? It stops. I can’t breathe. Panic starts to crowd me. The chemist has to order the pills in for me. They won’t be here until tomorrow at the earliest. I’m cold turkey. Completely, I got nothing, and I’m kinda freaking out about it. Instead of the chilled evening I was expecting followed by a good nights sleep, I’ve got another night of waking every hour if I can actually manage sleep in the first place. 

My head hurts. I keep getting these weird zaps. Everything goes “vroom” all of a sudden and then goes back to normal. My heads in bits.