It’s black tourmaline. Said to be helpful in ridding oneself of negative energies, or bad energies in an environment. It absorbs negativity like a magnet. I slept with it in my hand last night and it helped.

I’ve not been sleeping again. As inevitable as it is, sometimes it’s accompanied with a crippling fear. Not always but sometimes. Back in the day this fear was every night. As I’ve got older it’s lessened, a rare occurrence, maybe once a month or so. These past few nights it has been intense and long. From dark until it’s got light again. So I sorted out my salt lamp and I got myself a rock and I loved my bed back to where I used to sleep. And I’m praying and hoping beyond hope that it works tonight. 

Sleep is good. But lately it’s been in short supply! So my rock and my salt lamp and I will be working to banish negative energy and my fears and I will smudge my house with sage again and leave the doors and windows open and please let that be it.

I need to somehow get to the doctor tomorrow as I’m out of anxiety meds. I will be out of antidepressants by tomorrow too, today is my first full cold turkey day since this time last month. I ran out again. The anxiety meds ran out on Thursday so I’m feeling the lack of them in my system already. Low level anxietying all over the place. 

I’m trying. Trying to hold it together and not fall apart. Trying to project positivity and warmth and love. Trying to sleep. Trying.