I find myself sad this evening. I don’t know why. I guess a lack of sleep and a long day could be something to do with it?
I’ve had a fab morning. Picked up toddler boy and the sun was shining. I have read some of my latest book (Stardust by Neil Gaiman in case you’re wondering), cleaned the house, tidied up, even made a beautifully comforting rice pudding.
And now, as I sit here, in my quiet(ish), clean(ish) house. With my quiet(ish) children, I feel sad. Because I’ve no one to share it with I guess.
Don’t get me wrong. As much as I’d love to meet someone, or find someone to whisk me off into the sunset on a white horse, so we could live happily ever after… I know it won’t happen. There’s too much baggage for a start. I don’t want anyone to come along and move into my house and interfere in my life with my kids. We’ve got it going on and pretty good at the minute; I don’t want to mess that up. We’re good on our own. We’re better alone. But I would like someone to maybe make some plans with. Like, a last minute holiday with the kids. Or a day trip out, would you like to come? Stuff like that.
Someone to curl up with on the couch after a long day, no pressure, just being together and winding down. Someone to relax with and to have hold me when it all gets too much. Maybe someone to wipe my tears or cuddle my nightmares away. I don’t want someone’s everything, I’m my own person. I wouldn’t want to be their everything either. But someone to love and to have love me? Maybe I would chase a star for that.