I’m sat in the car. I left home to a chorus of crying children and grumpy teenagers. I don’t want to go back, ever. I want to drive and drive and never go home again. I can’t keep doing this. It’s horrendous. I hate every second. I’m supposed to be okay with all of this shit and I’m not. It’s awful. I try to make our lives better and it gets harder and harder very day. What am I supposed to do? I got no one and nothing. I’m all they’ve got and boy, do I feel sorry for them. 

Crying in the car. How dignified. I’m sat at the supermarket and I’m supposed to go shopping to buy food for the weekend and I’m meant to get a birthday present for my little girls friend as it’s her birthday party today. I don’t want to leave this car. I don’t want to go home. I physically can’t leave the car right now. I wish someone would hold me and tell me it’s all going to be okay. But how will it be okay? I’ve got no one to tell me the little lies that make the big stuff okay. 

I don’t know what to do to carry on anymore. How do I convince myself to get up and out and carry on? I don’t know.