It’s been a good couple of days. My bestest friend in the whole world has been here and when I saw her face and had some hugs I felt something click into place and I was myself again. 

Less drifting, more centred.

I spent Valentines with her and it was a great time. My loneliness disappeared while she was here and that’s different for me. I’m used to being in the doldrums on my own and while she was here I wasn’t alone. In a fundamental way I was supported. Consider her my life belt. 

We had drinks in the evening and even though I knew full well I’d wake up to regret, (I don’t do well with hangovers) it was still so much fun. 

My soul felt complete while she was here and I do think that can’t be a bad thing. Although it reminds me what I don’t have by being so far away, it also reminds me of the force of will I have to employ just to get through a normal, social day. It’s difficult to say the least. 

She went home today. After getting here Monday she left this morning and if I’d had time I’d have felt bereft. As it was I had a long drawn out meeting then rushing about shopping and doing the school run then I got home and just… emails and children and jobs and busyness and now… I’ve stopped. My lifebelt has gone. I’m used to being alone but boy do I miss that  support and just – friendliness. The world doesn’t seem so bad when there’s another person to help you up if you trip. 

I need to take some time to take care of myself and so that’s what I’ll do this evening. A hot bath, some Chinese food and an early night. 

I’ll take care of me. Happy Wednesday. 

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