…I know you know I’m lonely. And I know I’ve mentioned it here, like, a thousand times. 

Today is Saturday and it has me on the edge again. I’m not lonely because I’m alone. My big boys are in the house, there’s plenty to be doing and getting on with, not least because it’s a certain 7 year olds birthday tomorrow. And I have my cats and my dog.

I’m just.. lonely. I miss not having someone to talk to, just chat with. I miss not having anyone to just make pillow talk with, you know? My foibles and quirks become irritating on a daily basis and I find myself trying to not be the me that I am just around the house because I bug myself so much. Because I am my own company; and mostly that’s ok and I like my own company but when it’s relentlessly the only adult company I get… it gets old. 

I wonder if it’s thanks to Valentines upcoming that I’m feeling it quite so much. Maybe it’s becaus everywhere I go I’m being bombarded by love hearts and flowers and I buy myself flowers and I eat chocolate even when it’s not in the shape of a heart. 

I’m feeling old today. I’m feeling my age and then some. I’m feeling old and lonely and worn out. Tired.