I’m worn out. It’s been a busy week. 

I saw the doctor this morning, I remembered everything I had to mention. (Yay, my memory worked for once)

Friday has been long and drawn out but I’m glad it’s the end of the week. No more school mornings for a few days. 

My friend is coming to visit next week. Only 3 days but it’s 3 days of my favourite persons company and it should brighten me right up. I’m looking forward to it. 

There’s a baby due in the family this week. I have made sure to visit the parents to be every week for the last few weeks and I wil continue to do so once baby comes. Being alone as a (new) parent is a dark time and if I can help. I will. The latest he will be here is the 22nd Feb. So hopefully he will be here sooner rather than later. I am going to enjoy saying hi to a little baby again and getting some cuddles in. I’ve not met another baby since my last was new. He’s 3 now. Long time. 

So there’s couple of school days to get through and then it’s half term. That’s going to be something..! We’re going to see my parents for the half term and I think I’ll take the kids to the lakes zoo (it’s free entry until the end of Feb) before driving to Kent. Then there’s days out down there. Hopefully that will keep them busy enough.

I’m not looking forward to it. But equally I’m not dreading it. The children will enjoy themselves. And the children are the important thing.

Emotionally, this week has been strange. My lows are still so low. And my highs are rare indeed. But there’s a low level anxiety I’m radiating and I think it’s passing over to the small people. Part of going to see the doc today was to up the medication I’m on, try and get rid of (this low level panic). I asked for different anxiety meds too but the beta blockers im on are about all I can take before they start going into the sedation category. And they’re reluctant to go there as obviously I have the children and I drive and it wouldn’t be appropriate for me to take strong medication for the time being. I guess I can go back if it gets worse. I don’t know. At least something has been sorted. I guess. I’m still lonely. And I’m still waking up every day wishing I wasn’t. But I guess that’ll go, eventually. How long can it last, right? Right

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