I’m sat in my car. It’s half way through a weekday and I’m sat in my car because I don’t have the strength to go home. I don’t want to go home. We’ve had meltdowns and tantrums aplenty today. 

I’ve dropped the 7 year old off at his dads and although I’m glad of the break I’m struggling.

I wake up feeling sad every day. Not just sad, a bit of sadness, slightly upset. A profound sadness which consumes me. I try to fight it but mostly all I can do is resist. I can’t avoid it, so I try to acknowledge it – these feelings are normal, reasonable, to be expected. I give them validation when I acknowledge, surrender, submit to them. But they still don’t go away. They don’t get better. I’m having a hard time figuring out what I’m to do to make them disappear. Do I just wait?

Of course it could be the time of year. It’s always a bad time, and valentines upcoming with singleness is never going to be a good mix. I don’t know. 

I know I’m lonely. I’m so, so lonely.