It’s been a strange week. 

Monday – had an altercation with a taxi driver as I went to pick my friend up. Short on fare by £1.70. Despite my reasonable offers to call the office to sort out reimbursement I was still locked in the car until I could provide payment. Extremely intimidated and quite upset. Friend to the rescue and email complaint sent to the company.

Monday afternoon – 7 yr old doesn’t want to leave school. 35 minutes of chasing, following, cajoling, ignoring, pleading and begging. He put himself in a corner and I had to pick him up. He came home fine.

Monday evening – we attended a spiritualist church. The energy was strange. I felt it as a deeply physical thing. There were emotions there too. I was hot and cold and shaking and nervous and excited and flushed. I felt upset, I felt happy, nervous, weary – I ran this whole gamut of emotions in an hour and a half. I was told I’d come out feeling calm. I was absolutely dog tired and somewhat hyped up. Calm is not how I’d describe it! I may go again though. I’m not sure but I’m thinking about it. Maybe it’s something that would benefit me.

Fell out with you know who. It’s documented here. I’m on block. 

Tuesday – spent most the day in the walk in clinic with the 7 year old to get his finger looked at. He’d been nipped by the dog a few weeks ago and healing has been slow. Antibiotics given. Speak to mum in the evening. She’s good. Good to catch up. 

Wednesday – get a call first thing in the morning not to bother bringing 7 year old into school as he is now permanently excluded. Meeting held. No new information. Suspicions confirmed that waiting for him to slip up so they could enforce the exclusion. Take a drive through the moors. Lots of fog! Spent the whole time hoping the fog wouldn’t reach the motorway. It didn’t although it was a bit hairy in places. High places and 7 year old are a good combo. He loved seeing all the sights. Speak to dad in the afternoon. Was good to talk. 

Wednesday night – bath with new lush products I’d bought myself as a treat. Hoping to cure my eczema with natural products but so far it’s not worked. Going to try an oatmeal bath tonight. Watched 17 year old start playing new Resident Evil game. Intense and very dark. Great game, so far. 

Thursday – the two smallest people are up at like 4am. Watching tv, chatting, messing about. Both go to sleep and wake up again several times over the course of the morning. I give in and get up at 7.30am. Going to be a long day. Catch up with laundry, spend most the day watching 17year old play his freaky game. We have bacon sandwiches and cake. Not a bad way to spend a morning. 

I’m down today. It takes time for the realisation that someone dislikes you to settle in I guess. But it happens. Nothing I can do about it. I’ve had lots of friends message me this week and I’m grateful for that. I’ve had some entertainment in unexpected form too so I can’t say I’ve been too lonely either. Just.. something. Down I guess. I need to go to the doctors and get myself sorted out with meds and a general check up. I’m worried about finding the money for little mans birthday next week. I’m worried about finding enough money to even live next week. Things have been getting on top of me and I’m barely keeping my head above water. It’s difficult to manage. Life is too complicated. I’m kind of done with everything today. Its a day of being slow and kind and just me, myself. I’m enjoying time with my oldest baby. I’m enjoying not getting dressed at all. Im enjoying the hugs and the extra love that come from having another person at home with us. I’m tired though. I feel as though I could sleep for a week. I’m very very tired. Worry is wearing me out. 

If you suffer depression or live with someone who does, if you know family or friends who suffer with their mental health. Today is Time to talk day. Have that conversation. Share. 

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