It’s 10am here and I just got back into my bed. I’m tired. 

I got 5 children up and out the door and dropped off at respective schools on time, fuel in the car, money worrying at me, driving in traffic. I’m pretty tired.

It’s been a long morning, night, day, week. I’m tired.

My cat comes to me for loves and she purrs her sweet cuddles in my ear. And I’m tired.

I might have to go out again soon, I don’t know how long I’ve got free time for. I shouldn’t have got back into bed. But I’m tired. 

Im so tired. I’ve not the energy, drive, motivation to be me for longer than it takes a child to need me and turn away. When their backs are turned the shell takes over and I slump, grey faced and empty, tired. 

Always so tired. Too tired even to look for an exit. Sadness seeps into my bones and I feel an oddness. Does the sadness come from me or from outside, am I the owner of it or just the bearer? Is it attracted to me? Does my emptiness attract something – anything – to fill it. I hope not but I have no defences against it. I’m so very tired now. I just wish I could sleep.

Forever.

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