It’s a bad patch. I think. I’ve been off my pill 3 days. I ran out and the chemist takes 3 days to order/receive from the doctor, I have taken one and will take another at bedtime. Hopefully my levels start to rise sooner rather than later. Because I’m *off* I’m so, so off. Yesterday was a bad day. Today is worse. 

I’m down. And I feel out and I’m not even resisting very well. I’m a little patch. A puddle. The universe goes on around me, life carries on and although I desperately wish I wasn’t, I’m still here, existing. Not much more than that. And when the exit sign glows so strongly it’s more of a regret that I stay. 

I have recently discovered the poetry of Neil Hilborn. When he speaks something inside me grows. It wakes and breathes and comes alive. I exist to listen. It’s a heady feeling. To feel when you thought you were numb. I would like to feel more than this sadness. It fills me and it makes the egress glow so bright. 

I’m not going anywhere. But knowing there is someone (several someones if you follow Button Poetry) helps. It’s a small help, and in a small way that makes it better. I’m not all alone I guess.