I mean, really catch up, how are you? How have you been? Have you been on this emotional roller coaster the last few years or was I all alone?
Pond and I split up a good while ago as you know. It was less a wrench than a gentle pottering off.. thanks to the relationship ending three years ago. I urge you people to please don’t fall into a trap of getting back together with someone just because they smile at you. They haven’t changed they just want what you’ve got. And you haven’t got it if they’re with you. You have it, alone. Not with. Don’t do it. It takes too long to clear up the fallout, and it takes too long to explain. Just don’t do it.
The children. Well, those 6 hearts that walk around permanently outside my body and vulnerable are doing okay. They’re all on their own journeys of course but they’re doing okay. They love their mama – and of course this is reciprocated to the moon and back and – I think they know that. Just so.
Schools – let’s not even. Social workers and CAF meetings and PRUs and half way meetings and meetings about meetings. It’s just one thing after another after ten other things.
Pets. Sid the moustachioed pussycat has settled in nicely. Auto correct changed that to ‘sod’ then and it’s terribly apt! The dog is the same as ever (don’t have the windows open around him) and the big girl cats are as beautiful as they ever were. They’re happy.
Mental health. Well now. It’s up and down and sideways just as always. It’s a ride on a high speed motorcycle, weaving in and out of traffic. It’s a walk through a river of mud, wading until your legs don’t work and your body can’t hold you up and all you can do is stand, and wait. It’s a sleep through a perfectly sunny afternoon, regretting what you missed. It’s a good book in a cosy chair by a warm fire. It’s all the good things and all the bad, scrunched up tight and smoothed out again. It’s me, and without those lines, without those rumpled and scrunched up bits… Without all those marks and times and messes. It wouldn’t be me.
I met someone, and I think. I think. I think, in this overthinking, over straining, over doing it anxious, doom laden, depressed brain of mine. I think. It could be marvellous.