I’m pretty sure I have a cycle. pond suggested it the other day and I think he’s right. Apart from the obvious Aunt Flo related hormonal ups and downs, I tend to go in weeks. I’ll have a good week – where I can push myself and stay up and not get more than mildly anxious or panicky. Then it’ll slide slowly down until I’m in a bad week. The depths of my despair, wanting to feel as happy as I know I am; to keep the black dog at bay and the clouds from covering me.
I’d like to curl up and hide when I feel down but mostly I just stay in the house (panic attacks are even less easy to cope with when you’re out and about) and I’ll take care of myself as much as I can. I’ll sleep and stay quiet and cocooned in my little homey bubble and when it comes to the children I super mum it up once they’re home from school and then I’m in bed the same time as they are.
If I do have a cycle I need to be okay this coming week. There is much to do and as ever a lack of time to do it in. I had a bad week last week, but I was kind to myself. I took each day slowly and I had support.
This week will be a week for pushing myself, ever so gently – I will be taking the Childers to school in the morning. I have to go shopping on Tuesday. I have crafting to do and lists to stick to and jobs to start (and finish).
Last week I left the house a few times, suffered maybe 3 panic attacks, got very anxious a few times and super-mama’d my way through at least 4 afternoons. I slept for England, forgot to eat then ate too much, cuddled my babies, laughed with my babies, got decidedly tipsy once and very drunk once too. I read two books and paid all my bills. I bought new Xmas decorations in the supermarket sale and watched Inside Out. And boy, did I laugh and cry out loud at that one! Best film ever, at least that I’ve seen for a bit.
So I know I’ve not been here much – and that will change, it’s a habit I need to get back into. I do share posts on my Facebook page – titled sixymama, ha!
And hey, it’s nearly Christmas. I have a load of wine and Irish cream in my fridge – there’s that to look forward to!