I’m pretty sure I have a cycle. pond suggested it the other day and I think he’s right. Apart from the obvious Aunt Flo related hormonal ups and downs, I tend to go in weeks. I’ll have a good week – where I can push myself and stay up and not get more than mildly anxious or panicky. Then it’ll slide slowly down until I’m in a bad week. The depths of my despair, wanting to feel as happy as I know I am; to keep the black dog at bay and the clouds from covering me. 

I’d like to curl up and hide when I feel down but mostly I just stay in the house (panic attacks are even less easy to cope with when you’re out and about) and I’ll take care of myself as much as I can. I’ll sleep and stay quiet and cocooned in my little homey bubble and when it comes to the children I super mum it up  once they’re home from school and then I’m in bed the same time as they are.

Of course I’m making light of it but it’s relatable, right?! I’ve also been on new anxiety medication that seems to hit me like a ton of bricks one day and not the next. It’s hard to deal with.

If I do have a cycle I need to be okay this coming week. There is much to do and as ever a lack of time to do it in. I had a bad week last week, but I was kind to myself. I took each day slowly and I had support.

This week will be a week for pushing myself, ever so gently – I will be taking the Childers to school in the morning. I have to go shopping on Tuesday. I have crafting to do and lists to stick to and jobs to start (and finish). 

Last week I left the house a few times, suffered maybe 3 panic attacks, got very anxious a few times and super-mama’d my way through at least 4 afternoons. I slept for England, forgot to eat then ate too much, cuddled my babies, laughed with my babies, got decidedly tipsy once and very drunk once too. I read two books and paid all my bills. I bought new Xmas decorations in the supermarket sale and watched Inside Out. And boy, did I laugh and cry out loud at that one! Best film ever, at least that I’ve seen for a bit.

So I know I’ve not been here much – and that will change, it’s a habit I need to get back into. I do share posts on my Facebook page – titled sixymama, ha! 

And hey, it’s nearly Christmas. I have a load of wine and Irish cream in my fridge – there’s that to look forward to!